I'm not free from the feeling that follows me.
It's like a pain, a burn, or the just-before pain,
just-before burning moment, when I know
that if I press harder I will either collapse,
or forget why I was hurting.
It's like a pulse, a magnetic field that pushes
against me. It's a feeling of responsibility
That's haunted me among all the lives
I currently live - often, like a leech -
reflecting on me all the aching sentimental
pain that plagues my life right now.
All the bad decisions I make that I can't bear
to see made by others. The giving up
that I refuse to do, though I don't necessarily know
how to refuse giving up.
It's a dark cloud that has followed me here
to this new place, and I only know I've been
rendered immobile, and I don't know how to move,
and then, in moving, where I am supposed to go.